Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
