my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize