But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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