I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
