Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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