dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
