Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
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