How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
