I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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