She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
