Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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