you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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