____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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