My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
