You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize