How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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