their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
this will be a night to untag.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
