i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
