Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
