I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
My vagina is officially offended.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
