if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
