I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
