So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
