I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
