I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
