Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize