I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize