Who did Billy Mays play for?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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