His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
