the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
