she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I wear drunk well.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
