No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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