It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
