I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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