Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize