I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
