I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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