who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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