My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
