There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
