Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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