May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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