I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
