I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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