Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
