She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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