So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
