life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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