think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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