I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
