She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
