i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
