Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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