found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
