pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
