Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
