well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
sarcasm needs its own font
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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