Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
