Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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