My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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