Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
