can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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