i would punch a child for taco bell
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Randomize