I seem to have left my pride at pride
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
