is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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