Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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