You're my little dorito
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
