I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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