All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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