Dude my mom stole all your condoms
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
