life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I puked a lego.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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