Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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