I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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