I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
