Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize