he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
