Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
