Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
