So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
