Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I deserve this hangover.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
