I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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