I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
