Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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