SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
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