Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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