I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
