Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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