I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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