At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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